As a coach, it is not possible for me to ignore my client’s cultural background. It is possible that even seasoned coaches with limited exposure to other cultures, may engage in a coaching assignment without recognition of differences in cultures. Without realizing, they may come to conclusions about their clients based on some behaviors, and take an approach that would spell disaster. Let us remember that the coach is also influenced by his/her culture-driven mental models, and may use this as a litmus test to judge and “mis”guide the client.
I remember a conversation with a life coach about her young Asian client, who kept addressing her as, “madam.” She took offense because she perceived that as being aimed at her age and appearance. For him, it was a mark of respect to someone he perceived as a teacher. She came to the conclusion that some of his work-related problems stemmed from his “distorted” view of women, age, and related issues.
We live in a multicultural world. Each of us brings our perspectives to a situation or person, based on our background. It is importance to acknowledge that we are colored by our own culture, while the person across the table comes from a different culture. Otherwise, we will be doing our clients a major disservice.
So, there are 3 perspectives I take into consideration:
My mental models based on my “mixed” culture – Indian upbringing blended with social and corporate influences of America.
My client’s mental models – could be purely from a difference culture or a mixture like mine
My client as the individual – unique patterns of behavior and values
Rule #1 – If you don’t know, don’t conclude. Ask questions!
Examination of their own assumptions, acceptance of the multiplicity of variables that constitute an individual’s identity, and development of a client centered, balanced coaching method will aid the coach in providing effective help.
Our responses tend to be colored by our culture, upbringing, past experiences and similar influences. What is culture? It is the full range of learned human behavior patterns. According to English Anthropologist Edward B. Tylor in his book, Primitive Culture, culture is “that complex whole which includes knowledge, belief, art, law, morals, custom, and any other capabilities and habits acquired by man as a member of society.” Of course, it is all in the mind.
Think of the elephant in the circus!
All in my mind
Here is an interesting story I heard that illustrates the point: Do you often wonder why a huge elephant remains tied to a pole with a small rope and does not escape? As a baby, the elephant was tied to the pole with the same type of rope. Naturally, the elephant tried to escape, but try as it might, the rope and the pole were too strong for it. So, it eventually gave up. Later on, when it was older, the elephant still believed it could not escape from the rope, and remained standing in the same place, despite the fact that it could break loose.
People leave their country, but the country doesn’t leave them. Patterns of behavior remain strong in their minds. They don’t break loose. As an Asian Indian, I found it hard to drop some of my ways. It took me time to stop addressing my boss as, “Sir,” or rising from my chair when the department VP passed by and took me longer to speak up in meetings in the presence of my managers.
Hospitality is second nature to Indians, who would find it hard to say, “I’m busy now” to a surprise visitor. Many a times, I have been late for events or appointments, because of unexpected guests and my compulsion to offer them some tea, buscuits, or some other goodies, and a little something for them to take home.
It makes for better end-result to factor in these cultural patterns in business communications. Of course, since it is all in the mind, time and new environments will replace old habits with new.
What is it? I recently got a question from someone: “You are a coach. Have you ever thought about the new phrase – Authentic Self?” It is something you have to discover for yourself with quiet contemplation, and not amidst the “noise” of everyday living!
There is nothing new about it! It is as ancient as Hindu philosophy. The phrase is just surfacing, considering the worries over one of the contributing factors to the financial meltdown – Greed!
Our focus in life: We are in a room surrounded by mirrors. We let the outside world tell us who we are. We assume we are the many roles we play – employee, mother, father, sibling, child, spouse, and friend. I believe what I am told – I am a success if I get a six-figure salary or if I get a top performance rating, and I am a failure if I lose my job. I basically let the world tell me if I am a success or a failure. Our imagined happiness is dictated by others. We lose ourselves in this externally focused world, further complicated by the ever present media!
Who are we? Has it ever occured to us to sit quietly for a few minutes to know our true nature? What is our purpose? What core values inspire us? Our unhappiness and sense of deficiency arise out of living “without this purpose” and being in an environment that conflicts with our value system and that constantly points out to us “how limited we are.” Do we even recognize how limitless our Mind can be? True happiness comes from a sense of being complete – not from a sense of lack, which inspires us to go after goals like money, cars, and houses.
Living your purpose is the yardstick for your success: I remember how complete I felt working for a small visiting nurse agency where the mission was to help home-bound patients. I woke up every morning wondering, “ how can I help the amazing nurses who did not hesitate to use personal time and money to put a smile on the patient’s face?” Finding and living your purpose does not mean that you live in poverty – it means that you enrich your life with purpose and passion, and money just follows. Such wealth is permanent and satisfying.
